What to do if you suffer from Mommy Burn Out

Burnout happens to most moms at some point in motherhood. When it happens, suspend judging yourself negatively and harshly. You are not a failure as a mom because you experience symptoms of burnout. Instead, be compassionate to yourself, increase self-care and coping, and make small changes to manage the stress in your life. ~ Dr. Claire Nicogossian from Mom’s Well Being

Once again I refer to this post by Dr. Claire Nicogossian from Mom’s Well Being.

Here she highlights what to do when you notice you are experiencing Mommy Burn Out:

1.Identify the source of stress.
2.Are you able to reduce the stress?
3.Is it short-term or more long-term stress? (Consider: If stress is more long-term, e.g., partner’s unemployment or change of health in your parent, then you will need to make a plan to cope with the chronic stress.)
4.Reach out to supportive people in your life to talk and receive support.
5.Limit perfectionistic thinking (e.g., “I have to do it all perfectly, If it isn’t done my way, then it’s wrong, I’m the only one who can do things right.”)
6.Make a list of the helpful ways you cope with stress. (If you need a few ideas, check out this list of ways to cope with stress, here.)
7.Find a way to schedule time each day to engage in one of these activities, even if it is fifteen-minutes.
8.Ask your partner/spouse/family members to help with tasks that are stressful.
9.Look at the tasks; what you have to do versus what you want to do? For example, group tasks into categories: Have to get done, Can wait until tomorrow, Later in the week and When I can get to it.
10.Increase activities of rest and happiness.
11.Allow yourself to have time away from your children without feeling guilty. Even small amounts of time away can be beneficial to cope with the demands of raising a child and the added stress in your life.
12.If you notice chronic stress and burnout, reach out to a mental health professional or medical doctor for assessment and support.
13.Brief therapy, (e.g., four to eight sessions), can be beneficial for coping with stress.
Using the above list as a check list, of sorts, I have made my own goal list.

This lists my most important goals:

1.Make a daily schedule that covers everything that needs to be done daily (including quiet/me time and couple time with hubby). {Keep an eye out for my mommy burn out update post in December}
2.Getting my drivers license. I have never had one, I don’t drive and because of that I don’t have as much independence as I’d like/need. Though I have a means of getting around when I need to, I can’t just leave the house on an impromptu outing. I’m almost ready to take my drivers test *eeeeek*
3.Joining a moms group. This will help me get out of the house and make friends. Because I don’t have my license, its difficult to get together with girl friends to maintain the friendships. Though my children have friends, I don’t. Being an introvert, its easy to keep to oneself but it has huge drawbacks, not only on myself, but my children too.
4.Have weekly ME TIME. This is non negotiable. I need to learn to let go and let hubby take the parenting lead when he is home. By doing that, I’m not relinquishing my parenting duties, I’m just sharing them. This one is particularly had for me as I have been going at it by myself for almost 13 years and acting like a single parent even though he has been at my side for the last 9 years. Cutting those apron strings, or umbilical cord as he calls it, is probably the most difficult thing I’ve had to do thus far. I always find a reason to have at least one child with me if I go out for the day.

Though some of these may sound petty, it’s all the little things that add up and can cause a burn out.